Part 1

Disclaimer: This Post is only one of many. This is a extremely long post. This is a ongoing story that started back in 2001 and continues down to the present day. I wasnt sure I wanted to post this, but I have to get this out. For the final time I will explain what happened since then. All the goods and bads. This is the story of my life for the past 4 years. Starting in 2001. Ill try to post a section of it every week because its so long. Here it goes, Enjoy :)

START:

Hello, my name is Robert K. Bell and I am from San Antonio, Texas. Im not a professional writer, Ive never really written a screenplay in my life. I write poetry and other thoughts I have, but none of it has been published (much to my own lack of effort) and I have probably have no qualifications whatsoever to make a movie. But I have a story. A true story, one that I think many after many can relate too. Its a story that seems already like a movie to me, because I lived it. Its a story about me loving a girl, and as of yet, me not being able to have her for my own. Its sad, its ironic and its truth. Like I said I dont know how to write this as a screenplay, maybe after I get this all out I will know. But I have to get it out, I have to let people know what Im feeling and what Ive been through for this girl, she is the most important girl to me. So here it goes, this is the true story of me and her.

A little about me. Im 24, have no parents, my mother died when I was 10. And my dad was an alcoholic and a smoker who was rarely around much. He died when I was 19 going on 20. I lived with my sister and my brother in law until I was 17 then I moved out with a friend (Matt) and we moved to Washington State. My older brother who is 3 years older had just got back from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, (he was living with my uncle down there and helping with his restaurant) was living with my aunt. After a few months up north, Matt and myself ended up moving back, me to San Antonio, and him to Kerrville. Eventually we all shacked up again together (matt too) and lived together for a while. Then my sister and my brother in law got their own place and me, Kevin moved into a house with another friend Henry. Matt shortly moved in also. So there was 4 guys in the house, and this is pretty much where the story starts. Like I said I was working, everything was doing ok, I had the old little Mazda, I had a few credit cards that I was keeping up with, everything seemed pretty ok. The summer came and we used to hang out with our group of friends. We would all go out and have a good time, and we would go do things and do what young kids do. Then it started. The thing that has changed my life forever. Karah (my friend) had a visitor on the way. And no, she wasnt pregnant. She actually had a girl coming to stay with her and her family. She had never met this girl, none of us had, but because her family knew some friends in Mexico they recommended that she (the Mexican girl) stay with Karah and her family. So time went buy and she showed up. Karah invited us all over to watch a movie and eat so we could show this girl a good time and she could get to know us and vice versa. I met her. Her name was Gabriella, or Gaby for short. She was a knockout. Beautiful in any and every which way you could imagine. And I knew, I had no chance with this girl. I was fat, I was somewhat tall (about 5 11) and I was a dork. I had a personality though. People said I was funny and I guess just by acting like myself I made others laugh. And I enjoy doing that, even down to this day. Even if its at my expense. So I met her. Hi Im Robbie. She was quiet and didnt say much, maybe because she was shy, could be because she didnt speak much English, maybe she didnt speak English at all. But I didnt think much of it, I just acted myself and hung out with the group. That was in June or July of 2001. We went to a couple places and got to know her a little more, but other then that the converstation between me and her wasnt all that much. I was told she was going to be staying with karah and then her aunt too, who was living in San Antonio also. We hung out some more, not every day or anything, but a lot. She was quiet at sometimes, but slowly we started to get her to open up more. To be honest, I didnt think much of her. She had the looks, but she didnt really have the personality. At the time though, I didnt really care, I knew I stood no chance with this girl anyways, so I didnt even bother with trying to hook up or try to impress. Matt was saying how hot she was, and it was true, she did have looks like no other girl around. She definitely was a beautiful girl. But me, I was sort of intent on remaining single, I wasnt worried about getting together much. I had a short thing with karah a couple months before, and she made me realize that I wasnt near where I wanted and needed to be. So then one Sunday, we went to the meeting (church) and karah showed up with gaby, and yet another Mexican girl. She never ceased to amaze us guys either. Her name was Sully. She was in San Antonio, and somehow, even I dont know the whole story, but somehow got hooked up with Karah and met Gaby. She was originally from Mexico City, had jet black hair, shorter a little chubbier then Gaby, and a spitting image for Salma Hayek. My jaw hit the floor. And I guess I wasnt the only one. Matt had the same reaction. We went from no girls, to having two of the most beautiful women we had ever met right there in front of us. Pretty much begging for us to give them attention, and show them around town. We wasted no time doing that. We hung out with the group more, as it had got bigger all of a sudden. So a week or two went buy, and soon came time for a graduation party for our friend Mikey. He was going to have it at his house, outside on the back patio. He had hired a DJ to come play some music for dancing and everyone else was going to be sitting and talking in the back yard. So a lot of us met at our house. I was excited about Jennifer (at the time, like my best friend) meeting these new girls from Mexico. So Jennifer and some others came over (Jacob, Dasa, Chris) and then Karah showed up with the girls. Both looked completely beautiful, both in their own ways. Matt and me stood there with drooling, wishing for chance, that either one of these girls would like either one of us. We went to the party. We got the as the sun was going down, and we made our way to the back yard. The music was going, and the people were filing in. There was lots of food, and drinks for everyone that was there. As much as you wanted of either one. I didnt drink anything because I was sort of strict about my drinking, and back then I really wasnt the party animal. So I declined, I think I had half of a wine cooler, and gave the rest to matt. Well the night went on, quite a lot of people came and a lot of people were out dancing and drinking. Everything was going ok. I think I danced a song or two, and was sitting down on the chairs. I had been talking to karah and the girls, but not to much. Gaby was shy, she didnt say much, like I said, I didnt know if that was her personality or her feeling inadequate because of her English speaking ability. Either way, she didnt say much. Atleast not to me and matt. Sully was a different story. She was not shy, she was very outgoing and she seemed a little crazy. Crazy in a good way. Well I was sitting there, and somehow, beyond my control, Sully and I ended up sitting next to each other. We struck up a conversation, about our lives, about how we liked to travel and the places I had been and the places she wanted to go. She amazed me with her intelligence, her charm, and of course her face, which even though it was dark outside, I could see clearly. She wore glasses, Chanel glasses. We sat and talked, what seemed like forever to me, was probably only about an hour. I told her how my life had changed at a young age, and she said had similar experiences with her dad, and having to be independent when she was young. She thoroughly amazed me, and I was impressed by her. I left that conversation with my mind blown, I hadnt met a girl like this before. One that which such depth. But she reeled me back to reality by asking me to dance. Dance? Uh, I dont dance that much. Well not Spanish songs at least. I had a girlfriend in the past who had such a passion for dancing, she would to parties and dance the night away. I used to call them one big ricky martin video. But that video was now my reality, and it was all because of Sully. She practically forced me out on the dance floor (hehe), and we danced a Spanish song. I dont remember which one, part because I didnt understand the lyrics, part because I was paying attention to my feet, part because I was so excited that I was holding this girls hand. And she was close to me. Closer then she had ever been. Those minutes are a blur now, the excitement and unknowing feeling that was running thru my veins was like nothing else. That night seemed different somehow, I really cant pinpoint anything. The song finished and we sat back down. We continued talking and she even went so far at one point to put her hand on my knee. Now Id like to say, Im a reasonable man. I dont see myself as the kind of guy who jumps to conclusions about things that girls do. In the past I would have asked, why is a girl doing this? does this mean she likes me? but I learned the hard way in that, so I let it go. I didnt think much of it, I just figured she was one of those physical people, you know the type that is a little touch feely. Little did I know she is like that, but with people she does like. Well the night progressed and I made my rounds and said my hellos to everyone. After a while Karah and the girls left and I was there with the leftover folks. So I said my goodbyes and drove myself home. I was excited about what had happened, but I didnt want to jump to conclusions, I was going to play it cool, and act like it didnt effect me. So the next day me and matt were talking. He told me he hated me. Of course he was just joking, but he was jealous because Sully talked to me and even put her hand on my knee. I told him she was an awesome chick and that if I stood a chance with her, I would go for it. I mean who wouldnt have? So we went to the meeting and if I remember correctly Karah and the girls werent there that day. But the teasing showed up on time. Leah kept on, I was talking with Sully all night long, and probably flirting. She got me to dance, and Robbie would never dance Spanish music with anyone? What did she do? they all asked. I got the whistles and the oooooohhh sounds. I kind of enjoyed it though. If they thought I had a chance with Sully, then why wouldnt I? I told them, that I was going to get to know her and see what would happen. But not everyone was in on the teasing. Not everyone shared the same opinion. I dont remember how it happened, but someone shared her opinion with me. I dont even remember if I asked her, but she told me that I shouldnt go for Sully, but instead I should go or Gaby. She said Sully didnt like me, and that she was too mature for me. She said it would probably never work with Sully, because I acted to much like a child and I was too immature. She said she thought Gaby liked me anyways. I had thought (because Karah had told me) that Gaby had a boyfriend back in Mexico, so in the beginning that stopped any chance I thought I had. (which was slim to none). So I thought about it, and I decided to listen to her. She and Sully had become good friends, and I thought she knew what she was talking about. Sully was mature for her age, and compared to me, she did act more of an adult. So I decided to leave it at that. I chose not to pursue Sully. And that decision has haunted me since. Of all the decisions Ive been able to make, that one I believe would have altered my life the most. That one decision might have saved me so much heartbreak and time and money. So many things might have been different if I would have told that someone no. I liked Sully and I wanted to get to know her and see if we were compatible with each other. And if she didnt like it, than too bad. It was Sullys decision too, and that someone really didnt have anything to do with it. But thats all exactly what I didnt do. And it bothers me to this day. Not a day goes by that I dont regret that one decision. I dont like to regret things, because I feel that if you didnt make decisions that way you do, you wouldnt be the person you are today. But that decision I believe would have made me better than I am today. And I regret it, and I will regret it until I die.

Part 2

So with my attention no longer fixed on Sully, I decided to just be cool and be friends with everyone equally. But whether it be Karah or myself, whoever, whatever the group of friends was thinking, I was partnered up with Gaby. At the time, to me, that wasn’t a bad thing. If Sully didn’t like me, then maybe Gaby would? Or at least be a friend. I really don’t remember how I was thinking. I just wanted to be friends with them both and see what happened. As the summer went on, we did many things. We took them around San Antonio, went to the river walk, saw movies and did the basic tourist things. I remember then Gaby started to slowly open up to me. She had the personality of a tough girl. Well she came off that way. She actually turned out to be a pretty thoughtful girl, there was a lot of intelligence under that skin. She surprised me many times because she had a pretty vast knowledge of computers. She had said she was going to a technical school or something similar to that in Guadalajara (her hometown). She was sarcastic too. And that appealed to my sense of humor. She didn’t seem to be offended by any jokes or teasing that we would inflict on her. She actually seemed to enjoy fighting with me. And I enjoyed fighting with her. We would have battles of wit, her sometimes telling me things in Spanish that I had no idea what they meant. She had that advantage, plus the obvious advantage of being a woman. We had many fights, about some subjects that were completely trivial. I started to like her for more then friends, but I still was still confused about the whole boyfriend thing. Did she have a boyfriend in Mexico? Or was she single? If she did have a boyfriend back home, then why was she acting (at least in my head) like she liked or that she was flirty with me? As you can see, I was thoroughly confused at this point. All I knew is that we were getting along pretty well, and that from the looks of it and with what other people were saying, is that she did like me. So I just didn’t worry about it. So we went to Rosario’s (a latin restaurant and bar) one night for dinner and drinks. The wait for a table was 2 hours. So we waited. It was so crowded in there we were all standing around the door of the place. I remember all of us talking and waiting for the table as the salsa/meringue band played their music. Gaby started to dance, and soon me and her were dancing by the front door. It was funny, because neither of us really knew what were doing, but we were making the best out of it all. I remember talking to her, and somehow we got on the subject of her coming up to San Antonio. I said if she had seen any cute guys there in the restaurant. She said no and that she really hadn’t looked. I said “oh yeah, I forgot, you have a boyfriend back home” She looked at me in a puzzled way and said something to the effect “No I don’t, I don’t have a boyfriend at all” I talked to her a little more and she made it clear that she was single and had no attachments. I told her that Karah had told me she had a boyfriend, and she said Karah was mistaken, she said there was a guy who liked her, but she didn’t like him. So suddenly I got into a better mood. Could it be? Could I actually have a chance with this girl? I would soon find out. Dinner Came. We all sat at a big table and of course, Gaby sat next to me. It was funny how some of the group acted. It’s like some were happy about Gaby and I becoming better friends, and some would tease me and say I was hogging her and taking up all her attention. My only defense is that I didn’t take her attention way, she chose to give it to me. So we ate, and all of us had fun. I remember after dinner we made our way down to the Riverwalk and walked around the downtown area. I remember we went to my brother’s hotel, we took pictures there, the girls on the stairwell. I don’t remember much after that. I’m sure there probably was jokes, and laughs and flirty fights between Gaby and myself, but the details I can’t remember, whether it be because of the amount of things that have happened since then, or the fact that I consciously made an effort to forget. Whatever the reason, I remember only pieces of the night. Not to long after us guys (Kevin, Myself, Matt, and Henry) decided to have everyone over to our house for dinner. Leah made spaghetti and we bought sodas, drinks, salad and French bread. We all ate and had a good time. We were sitting around after dinner and Gaby asked me if she could check her email. She checked her hotmail, and then I checked mine also. I asked her for her email just in case I wanted to email her in the future. I remember her saying ok, and her putting her email into my address book. She smiled as she sarcastically wrote in place of her name “hermosa preciouso” Needless to say she thought highly of herself. She liked to be the boss, or at least she liked me to make her one. I would always tease her and say I wasn’t good enough for her. I would hold my hand up in the air and the other down lower and say “oh yes, I forgot your up here, and I’m down here.” You do it now. Hold your left hand up flat high in the air,like it's on top of a big ivisible box. Now do the same with the right, but put it at a much lower level. Remember this. Trust me, it will make sense later. At first she agreed to it, sarcastically agreeing with me. But I knew she didn’t mean it. I did that a lot and it actually became a common thing. Anytime I couldn’t do something, and she could, “oh yes, cause your up here, and I’m down here.” She was higher on the food chain. Matt brought in his stereo, and we had ourselves a make shift karaoke machine. I remember being a little embarrassed as I sang “White Wedding” by Billy Idol, but I got through it. Gaby was too embarrassed to sing anything, but I remember Sully singing a Shakira song. It was funny because I still admired Sully’s ability to not be scared to try new things. Gaby wasn’t so brave in that way. She didn’t speak much, because she was embarrassed by her English. It was hard for me to get to know her because of that fact. Matt sang a song I believe and I’m almost certain Leah did to. The night continued until the late hours and we finally said our goodbyes and everyone left. It was a good night, I had had fun with Gaby, made a little progress and got her email. That email would prove to play a important part later on.

It’s a blur to me know, sometimes I regret not writing this all down earlier, when it was all fresh one my mind. Maybe I just couldn’t do it, maybe I didn’t want to remember, maybe I didn’t have the time. Whatever the reason might be the next big event I remember was a going away party thrown for Sully. It was kind of a last minute thing, but the young girl who threw it did a good job with what she had. We had to go get Gaby and Sully at Gaby’s Aunt’s house. We drove over, and we knocked and went in. We met Gaby’s Aunt, she seemed pretty nice. I met her cousins too, everything seemed pretty ok. So we picked them up and made our way to the party. The party was outside, and if you know San Antonio weather in the July and August, you don’t want to be outside. It was hot and humid that day (like it is everyday) and they had a small boom box playing music and some food. We pretty much stood around or sat around in the plastic chairs and talked. Now compared some some parties that I had been too, it wasn’t the wildest. But like I said, for what they had, they did a good job. I remember there was some other girls there (black girls) who were there and they started dancing after a while. So we all started dancing. One thing about Mexican women. They can’t move like black women can. Mexican music, when it comes to dancing traditionally like cumbia or even salsa, that type of music is mostly in the hips. Your upper body doesn’t move much because your holdling on to your partner. The way these black girls danced, everything moved. They had their rhythm down to a tee. I enjoy dancing with other girls that make you look like you’re a better dancer, and this was exactly what these girls did. You could just stand there and they would make you look like a pro. It was funny though because Gaby and Sully, they really couldn’t get it down. I guess they were too used to the Mexican way of dancing. I kind of laughed at Gaby and she told me to shut up. Then when the Mexican songs came on, everyone wanted me to dance with Gaby, but I didn’t do it. I guess I just didn’t feel like dancing that way. I’m not a expert at it anyways, so I was a little self conscious about my footwork. Gaby and me we doing our little flirty fighting and all that, and I was sitting in a plastic chair. Gaby got the bright idea to pretend to push me over backwards. Well with my massive weight at the time, and the cheap freaking plastic chair I was sitting on, needless to say I fell. I fell good. I flew backwards, the chair shattered beneath my elephant like weight, and I ended up in the grass. Sweaty, Itchy, with part of the chair stabbing me in the back. I just laid there in disbelief. Gaby had a look on her face. She wasn’t really expecting me to fall back, and she was the first one I saw as I glanced up. Her look of shock slowing turned to a grin, then a smile, then full on laughter. I couldn’t help but laugh too. It seemed for a moment that it was just me and her, me in the grass, her hovering above me, laughing with one another. Then the others came into the picture. They all made sure I was ok. They all asked me what happened and I said Gaby, being playful pushed me over. Of course Gaby (as I knew she would) denied the entire thing. That was type of person she was, she wasn’t arrogant or anything (not that I could tell) just around me she could do no wrong. And that appealed to me, because I was constantly fighting that. It was actually fun for both of us; she enjoyed the attention, and me? Who wouldn’t like fighting and having a beautiful girl give you a bunch of attention? Maybe she liked me even? Can you blame me? You would do the same. So we were leaving the party and it seemed like Gaby was by now actually liking me. But I didn’t know? Nothing was concrete. I didn’t know for sure what she felt, and I didn’t even know what I was feeling. As we left Sully said something she had found out. It was something about Gaby liking me. But she didn’t tell me the whole thing. So that really had me wondering, did Gaby really like me? Could it be possible? Could this girl, who any guy and every guy would love to have next to him, could she actually like me? It blew my mind the thought. I left the party feeling good, positive about my chances. I was happy for that night. Then it was time for Sully to leave. It seemed like such a long time since we (the group) had known each other, but in reality it was only about a month since we had met Sully, and maybe a week or two before that Gaby. I guess when you hang out and see each other every week you start to know each other, and get comfortable with one another. And we all did that. So we all decided to take Sully out. We took her to Spaghetti Warehouse. We had dinner and took some pictures after. I paid for Sully’s dinner as a way of saying goodbye. We went to Karah’s house to say goodbye for the last time. We all stood outside and talked for a while. I didn’t know when the last time I was going to see Sully, but I hoped she would do well in her future, a future I also didn’t know, would include me.

The Faces Behind the Names

Just for visual help, I thought I would post a picture of Gaby and Sully, so you can put faces to the names as you read. As the stories continues, I don't mean to offend or anger anyone. This is not my intention. My only intention is to tell the story how I lived it. To not tell this would be just as offensive to me. I do apologize to any who possibly get their feelings hurt by the retelling of this. I hope with the passage of so much time, you can look back and laugh at all this now. Because I know I can.


Gaby & Sully 

Part 3

So things calmed down a little after Sully left. Gaby was mostly staying with her aunt the full time, so we didn’t see quite as much of her as we were used too. It seemed Sully even brought out the best in us as a group. She really had become the glue that had held us together. And with her gone, we had to do a little adjusting. But we still had our fun. August had came and with that, it was Gaby’s turn to leave. But not for good. She was going to Houston for a few months or so, to spend time with some friends and her cousin who was already in Houston. So she needed a way to get to Houston, and she was considering taking the bus there. That’s where Karah came in. Karah is so smart. Karah really wanted Gaby and I to work, she was all for it from the beginning. I have to give her the credit for really giving me opportunities to see Gaby. Thanks Karah. Well there was a wedding, in a small town outside of Galveston. Karah, and another friend Terri really wanted to go to it, but they didn’t want to go alone. They wanted a guy to go with them. So I was there for the taking. To make things even sweeter, since we were going to Galveston for this wedding, we had to go through Houston. So guess who ended up going taking Gaby to Houston? That’s right, we did. Karah was the driver; Terri was the co pilot and Gaby and I in the backseat. (Get those thoughts out of your head) We drove there and talked the whole way. I was still unsure about the whole Gaby situation. I had heard rumors that she liked me, and that she wanted to be together, but I wasn’t for sure. I became beautiful. I guess in her boredom, or maybe in the quest to make me look even more ridiculous, Gaby put make-up on me. I let her of course. Who wouldn’t? You say you wouldn’t, but I know you would. A beautiful girl wanting to get near your face and touch you with her hands? Please, you’d give in just like me. So I got the full makeover, the eye makeup, the cheeks, and the lipstick. I thought I looked pretty hot. I would have dated me. After much laughing (by the girls, at me of course) we started to talk about relationships. It was inevitable. I don’t recall exactly how it came to be, but somehow a question got raised to Gaby about having a boyfriend back in Mexico. Now I had heard first thing from Gaby that she didn’t, but Karah and Terri didn’t know that information. So when Gaby said, yes, that she had someone back home, it came to my complete surprise (and horror). I didn’t know how to deal with that? She had told me the contrary? I didn’t really know what to believe so I sucked it up and tried to act the same. Sure she could have a boyfriend, that’s cool. I mean right from the start, I knew I didn’t stand a chance with this girl, so why was I so surprised? Right? Well we ended up calling her cousin and her friends, and they were busy so they asked if we could kill some time before they picked up Gaby. So we went to Ikea and then to the Galleria. It was nice to spend a little bit more time with Gaby before she had to leave. Then we got the call, and we met her cousin and the friends to drop her off. I remember buying her a ring pop and telling her to have fun in Houston. Then we drove away. Karah, Terri and I, went for the rest of the weekend to that town outside of Galveston. It was nice, the wedding was little but nice. The ceremony was outside under a gazebo, and it rained on us. It kind of put a damper on the whole wedding, but the reception turned out nice. It wasn’t too big, but it was in a nice place. The girls danced and had fun, and I just chilled out in my chair. I decided I would drive back so we started to head back later on that night. I think I drove about 4 ½ hours home, because the town was farther south than Houston. I loved driving though, it was something I really enjoyed. Plus it kind of took my mind off of Gaby, who at this point I was pretty confused about. So did she or didn’t she have a boyfriend? And even if she did, would it really matter to her? He’s far away right? Was she that type of girl to do that? I dismissed that thought. I mean I thought me and her had been making a little progress, was that just in my mind? These questions were something that I had been fighting in my mind. I knew I liked her, and I sort of thought she liked me, but could I be wrong? I mean girls can flirt and act like they like you, but still in their minds only see you as a friend. So I tried to not think too much of it. I knew we were good friends, but I didn’t want to get ahead of myself and think we were more than that. So now that both girls were gone, the group slowed down quite a bit. Matt and I still hung out like usual, but the group as a whole started to break slightly. I remember one day, I was at the computer at home and I was checking my email. I went to my address book to check an address, and there it was, staring right back at me. “Hermosa Preciousa” I had forgotten I had gotten her email address. I wondered if I should send her an email, just to say hello, how are you doing, that I like you more than any other girl on the planet. I contemplated it for a while, and then came to the conclusion of, why not? So I wrote her a short email. I asked her if she was doing ok there in Houston, hope she was having fun, and that we all (well just me) missed her in San Antonio. I didn’t know if she would write me back, for all I know she could have been tired of me and was glad to be away. So I let it be. I checked my email everyday of course, and not to long after I got her reply. She was doing well; her and her cousin were going to a high school to learn some more English. She was doing basic things, movies, going out to eat, and other things. She never made mention of the guy in Mexico though, the one she was or wasn't dating. I never asked about it either. We actually emailed a lot. Every other day I would get one from her, sometimes I would even see her on MSN and we could chat. We actually became closer friends over the email and the chat lines. I guess when you’re talking through an email, you only have so much. You have to get to the point of the matter, because if you don’t say what you want to say before you push “send” you’re out of luck. Nothing is better then being in front of someone and seeing their expressions and the way they react to you. But for people like me, people who find it easier to write down their thoughts instead of say them outloud, it was the way I preferred. The months went by quickly. 9/11 ocurred, because of which she wrote me saying she was scared to fly. I wished for her return to me. Karah told me she would be coming back soon, and she would be bringing her cousin with her. November started. Now I have for some reason, had a thing with the winter months. And winter to me means November and December. I always seem to find girls in the winter. My first girlfriend was named Alison, and I had met her before in the summer. But I got to really know her at Garner State Park during Thanksgiving Vacation. Which is in November. I got my first kiss under a bridge downtown a month later, on Christmas Vacation. After that went sour (stupid whore) , I didn’t have another girlfriend for a while. Then I went to Vallarta in 1998 and met Iliana, even though I attempted to like her, we turned out so much better as friends. I met her on a warm Vallarta day, in December. Then came my second girlfriend, Becky. I met her at my aunt’s house on a cold winter day, you got it, in December. But Gaby was different, she would break the cycle of my winter girls, I had met her in July. The most unwinter months of them all. So I waited for Gaby’s return. Karah called me and said she was going to arrive during the day, I don’t remember what day, but it was right at the beginning of month, and it was a weekday. Karah asked me if I wanted to meet her and the girls for lunch that day, so I said sure. I arranged it with my boss to take longer lunch and drove over to the place. They had picked Cheesy Jane’s as the place. It was a good little hang out, they had burger and fries and milkshakes. I remember getting there as they were pulling up. Gaby got out of the car, she was still beautiful. I was so happy to see her again, we ate lunch, the 4 of us, and then we parted ways. I was ecstatic she was back in San Antonio, I wanted to hang out with her again, do more things then we did before. I wanted to see if this girl liked me. Because I so much liked her.

Part 4

That month of November went by so fast. I can’t really remember everything that happened. But I’ll try to remember as much as possible. I remember we going to a party at Gaby’s Aunt’s house one night. We got there somewhat early and met the rest of her family. Her little cousin Dan. Little Dan. Boy he talked a lot. He never shut up! And how loud he spoke! He constantly talked about his big brother Dan. Yes, they are both named Dan. Don't ask me, I didn't understand it either. Big Dan was in Mexico City at the time. I remember Gaby would just roll her eyes when he spoke. The family mostly only spoke Spanish, and that posed a little bit of a problem because I didn’t speak much Spanish. We were in the back yard, sitting around the pic nic table and talking. It always seemed like Gaby was right by my side. We weren’t even together, but she still always seemed right next to me. I liked that about her. She wasn’t really the flirty type (that I saw). She would be quiet most of the time, but around me she was herself. I like that she was comfortable around me, it made me like I was something special. Even at that party, some other guys had been invited and of course they wanted to talk to Gaby and get to know her and all that. But she never seemed like she was interested in them. She always seemed to be next to me, and when she wasn’t it didn’t bother me. She made me feel really confident, even at times when I didn’t think I was. That night the party went on, me and her danced a song or two. It was Spanish, so as you can imagine I was just trying to hold on for dear life. She danced ok too, but neither of us were experts. I guess that helped, it seemed like we were learning together. Over time now, I’ve thought more about her, and thought about how I acted around her and how she reacted to me. It wasn’t a bad thing. I enjoyed her company and I think she was really starting to enjoy mine. The group hung out and joked around with the family, I even kind of got the vibe that they could tell that I liked her. It was a good vibe and a bad vibe. To me it’s a good thing when the family looks at you as the guy who likes one of their own. But then it was bad too, because when you do that, it almost like your out in the open. If they were to never know, then I wouldn’t mean anything to them. I would just be another guy at the party. But because I was always next to Gaby, it seemed like I was wearing a target. And I got a few glances and looks from family members that I didn’t quite understand. I thought it ridiculous, why would they get mad with me? Who am I? Gaby had never even admitted to liking me or even thinking of me as more of a friend? Did they know something I didn’t know? That kind of excited and scared me. If only I knew then what I know now. How different I would have done things.

We hung out some more, we saw each other every week or so. We had even talked on the phone some. I knew something had to give. And it did, in a very big way. Things between me and Gaby were going great, we were closer then ever. I was almost thinking that we were like a couple. I hadn’t heard it from her though. I was excited because I had taken off a day from work and me and my brother were going to take the girls (just Gaby and her cousin) to the Botanical Gardens one Wednesday. I woke up early that day, got the oil changed and the car washed and vacuumed. I was ready for the day. We were going to have a Turkey dinner that night too, and it was my job to clean the house also. Of course I only cleaned it about half way, so I was running a little behind. We got to their aunt’s house and they came out after a while and off we went to the Botanical Gardens. We got there , started walking around, and after a while it started to rain. We had seen most of the gardens so we decided to leave and go somewhere to eat and maybe chill out. My brother suggested The Fox and the Hound. It was a sports bar which had food and pool tables, and tv’s. It was still early afternoon so you didn’t have to be 21 to get in. I drove in the rain across town to the place and we went inside. I ordered a hamburger cause I was hungry (like I said, I was fat back then) and a soda and was eating as we shot pool. The teams? What do you think? Gaby and I vs my brother and her cousin. I don’t remember if we won or not, but I remember flirting the entire time. We stayed there for a while before we headed back to our house. I had to clean don’t forget. The girls stayed with us at the house, and helped clean. My brother pretty much refused to clean, and went into his room. I think he was talking on the phone with his girlfriend the entire time. Gaby’s cousin did the dishes and then got on the computer to write her boyfriend a letter. (which ended up being a novel). So that left Gaby and I there by ourselves to clean most of the other part of the house. I vacuumed and she dusted and we talked about a lot of things. We started talking about relationships and how mine all seemed to go bad. We talked about many subjects, music, things we enjoy doing, places we’ve been. I really liked our conversations with each other. The way we got into it remains a blur now, but I remember her asking if I liked any girls. I told her I liked one, but wasn’t sure if the girl liked me back. I said that I thought the girl was out of my league. I told her I really did like the girl but I wasn’t sure if she liked me back. But I would really wish if she did. I kept on trying to give hints, but I couldn’t tell if she was understanding me. So I said, “I don’t think she likes me, because she’s up here (gesturing with my hand) and I’m down here.” I looked her in the eyes and asked if she understood what I was saying. She said yes. And that’s all she said. I continued to vacuum as she walked around the corner of the kitchen wall. I bent down to turn off the vacuum, and as soon as I stood back up, she was there. She hugged me. Instantly she grabbed me and gave me a close hug. I was caught off guard and didn’t know what to do, so I tried to hug back as much as possible. She said the words as we hugged “you know I like you.” I was stunned. My mouth was dry, I couldn’t speak. It finally happened. The impossible. The girl that I wanted, wanted me. I was ecstatic, shocked, scared and elated all at the same time. It was a great feeling, one I would love to feel again. For that moment, everything was going my way, I was on cloud 9 for the first time in years. That night I was so happy. The dinner was delicious, and my cousin Tanya brought Sangria’s so we drank some too. It was a great end to a great day. I had finally made the progress I had wanted. I liked Gaby, and yes, she liked me back. The world was a beautiful place.

Part 5

The next big thing I remember doing with Gaby actually came as a surprise. It wasn’t planned like the dinner or the Botanical Gardens. I was at home, a normal night there at the house. Then the phone rang. It was Gaby, which surprised me. She wanted to know if I could come over to Karah’s house because they were watching a movie. I talked to Karah and she said yeah it was cool so I got dressed and made my mad dash for her house. I got there and they had already started the movie. “Family Man” was the feature film I believe. Gaby was sitting in the back, up against a wall and I made my way over to her and sat next to her. We sat and watched the movie, I don’t even think we had held hands yet. I was nervous to have her that close, it was so strange. This was the girl that I was supposed to have no chance with? This was the girl that all the guys wanted to know. What the hell was I of all men on the planet doing next to her? I didn’t give a crap. I was happy. You would have been too if you next to her. Too bad you weren’t. Suckers. The movie ended and we sat around and talked some more. Two other guys were there too with the girls and they were trying to be slick. Well one was dating Karah at the time, so I didn’t give a crap about him. But the other I watched closely, to see how he acted around Gaby and her cousin. He didn’t try to compete, and I wondered if it looked like I was the boyfriend. After all Gaby had asked Karah if I could come over, she wanted me there. That boosted my pride. What guy doesn’t like it when a beautiful girl wants him somewhere they're going to be? It started getting late, the guys left and I was getting hungry. I asked Karah if she had anything to eat. She had some cold chicken so I took some of that and started to eat it. Mind you, cold fried chicken does not, and never will count as a meal. We were standing in the kitchen as Karah said goodnight and went upstairs. She went to sleep and Gaby’s cousin was already asleep, or was acting asleep, I couldn’t tell. Now it was just Gaby and I, alone in the kitchen. We talked some more about some things, her and me. She gave me a hug and I held her for a while. I tried to wash my hands because I didn’t want her smelling like chicken, but she didn’t care. Then we kissed. I can’t say who initiated it, because I honestly don’t remember, but it happened. Simple as that. It got even later and I left. I drove home calm on the outside but exploding in the inside.

NOTE:
Like I’ve said before, these things remain a blur in my memory. I’ve thought long and hard to get the right progression of time down, but with Gaby everything was so obscured. By me, or just by the passing of time. I’ts amazing to me how something back then that seemed so important and life altering, now seems so trivial. I guess that’s how I know I’m over it. Sometimes I even feel ashamed for writing this, because it seems like I’m still dwelling on the past. I don’t think it’s for healing purposes, it’s just because it’s part of my life I like to share. Besides that I think it’s a pretty good story. To show that even though life looks like it doesn’t go your way, sometimes it does. And then again, sometimes it doesn’t. The irony so far is by no means even close to how it felt in real life. I cannot possibly express the level of feelings I've had since this all. These years have been the most confusing, frustrating, most awakening years of my life. Me and Gaby had kissed. And it only gets crazier from there.

The next day I couldn’t believe it. I had kissed her. Or she had kissed me. Didn’t matter, wasn’t important. I told Matt. He was surprised and yet kind of pissed at the same time. I laughed at him, I was so proud of myself. Time went on, and the next time I saw her was at the meeting. I was up doing micrphones and Karah walked in alone. Where was she? I didn’t see her walk in? I stood there nervous, she was always with Karah? Even her cousin wasn’t there. Maybe she was sick. A thousand possibilities went through my mind. I had to calm down and concentrate on the mics, so I stood there and waited. After a while I saw her cousin come in. Then I saw her. I breathed a sigh of relief. But as fast and the relief came, it instantly evaporated. Along came another guy, one I didn’t know, one that didn't live in my galaxy, and he sat right next to Gaby. The Foreign Enemy. I didn’t know his name. I didn’t know where he was from. I didn’t know his personality or his humor. And already I hated him. The whole meeting I watched him like a hawk, his every move, his every blink and breath, imagining that I could swoop down and crush him with my talons. The meeting ended and I met him. His name was Kaliff, and he was from Mexico also. Gaby seemed eager for me to meet him, which made me wonder even more. Could this be the guy I heard she was dating? All this time was she lying? Did the kiss mean nothing to her? My mind jumped to so many conclusions, made so many jealous judgements and assumed more then I had dreamed possible. I let it go. I didn’t want to think of it like that, so I had to let it go. We went to eat after the meeting and I got to know him better. Turned out he was the boyfriend of a good friend of Gaby’s. Him and his girlfriend were very much in love and he was excited because soon he would see her. I guess he didn’t see her very often, or as often as he would like too. I felt so stupid. Stupid for judging him before I got to know him, stupid for thinking all those jealous thoughts. He actually was a cool guy, and I thought we got along pretty well. I took it was a good sign that me and him got along, like I was meeting and getting along with the friends she had. She said that if I ever went to Guadalajara that she would introduce me to her many of her friends. I said that was cool, and that I would have to go down there sometime. We had another party at our house, and we ate and played Taboo. It was cool, Gaby was by my side the entire time. We kind of didn’t want to make it too obvious we liked each other, because we thought everyone didn’t need to know. I remember we had talked about music a lot. I wanted to show her some songs that were my favorites, so we went to Matt’s room (the garage apartment) to listen to some on the computer. Her and Me were sitting on Matt’s bed and he had his back turned to me using the computer. I was showing her pictures of Me and Matt’s roadtrip to Washington. "Here's New Mexico, and then Arizona, and of course Cali!" I was explaining the pictures when I looked up at her, and she gave me a kiss. A simple kiss, but one I didn’t expect. In my history of kissing, I can say those are the best ones. Matt didn’t see us, or if he did he didn’t acknowledge us. It didn’t freak me out though, I was starting to get accustomed with her being more physical around me. I knew I liked her, and she liked me. I could see us turning into a couple. It wasn’t that official, but everyone knew we liked each other. Things looked optimistic for once, and I was very excited about the future.

Part 6: A Perfect Day

We had some days off for Thanksgiving and we thought about what we could do. We thought about just spending sometime downtown and hanging out, but I wanted to show the girls something new. It dawned on me. Garner State Park. Garner State Park had been something of a tradition for me. Growing up we would always go for the November holiday, me and friends to camp and hangout. I had met lifelong friends there, like Matt. I had gone 7 years in a row. The last couple years I had slacked, going off and on. It was a beautiful place, with the river and hills right there all around you. The weather was cool during the day, and the chilly at night. The hill country would be colder so, it was perfect for a day trip. I didn’t want to take my car, so I needed a way of getting us there. Leti said she would take us, but at the last minute decided she couldn’t. I was desperate. I asked Henry if he wanted to go, and he said yes. But he wanted to take his scooter with him. How were we going to get a scooter there? He owns a Jeep Cherokee? He pulled some strings and borrowed his dad’s truck. We loaded the Scooter, tied it down and picked up the girls. The day was beautiful, sun shining, cool breeze, it looked to be a nice day in the country. We drove to Garner (about an hour away), Gaby and I in the back bench seat of the truck. She fell asleep in my arms. I remembered the lyrics of Enjoy the Silence. “All I ever wanted, All I ever needed, is here, in my arms.” I felt that way. I was incredibly happy. I was on my way to Garner. The place that meant so much to me, with a girl, that meant even more. I wanted to show her the park, the places we would hike, the places we would sit under the cypress trees and talk for hours. I knew some friends would be there (like they always are) and I wanted them to meet her. I wanted to show her how to skip rocks, I wanted to show her the rope we used to swing off of. I wanted her to see everything.

We got to the park and unloaded the scooter. They met some of the friends there, some I even caught up with. We made our way down to the river and walked along the trail. I showed them where I used to go swimming, the boulder where I liked to lay on. The memories just flooded through me. I showed them the pavilion, the place where a friend threw a wooden post/sign in the river. Where a old friend climbed on the roof. We walked over to the dam area and sat out on the rocks. Henry was riding on his scooter and left us there. I showed them how to skip rocks, and Gaby and I wrestled and flirted galore. We ate lunch under the cypress trees along the river, and relaxed in the grass. It was the most beautiful day Gaby and I spent together. I never wanted it to end. We got to talk and be around each other so much that day, it all seemed surreal. She didn’t want to leave either, she wanted to stay and hike some more and sit around the campfire. We stayed until the sun was going down, and then we knew we had to go. We tried to plan to come back the next day, but it was futile. That one day would not turn into two. The sunset, the cool air, the thoughts on my mind, they couldn’t be extended or duplicated. But we had that day. That perfect day. I can’t describe it any better then that.

Part 7

November was ending soon and the day Gaby was leaving was looming ever closer. I knew this had to end sooner or later. Obviously I didn’t want her to go, but I knew she had too. I spent more days with her, I remember driving and her in the passenger seat and her cousin in the back. She grabbed my hand as I shifted gears, and she held on. It seemed she didn’t want to go either. I dropped her and her cousin off one night, and she was locked out. Her Aunt wasn’t home yet, and we went around back to check the back door. I told her I wouldn’t leave them outside, and that I would wait until her Aunt got home. She gave me a hug. There on the back deck. I didn’t want to let her go. I had talked more about going down to Guadalajara, and she agreed that she wanted me to go. But she was hesitant also. This confused me. I could understand us keeping it a little quiet at first, but things were turning out great, so why not just make it official? Why not let everyone know? I told her even though I didn’t have parents for her to meet, I really wanted to meet her parents. She would change the subject and be very hesitant to speak about me and her parents. I couldn’t understand why? She said her dad was strict, and I could understand the fact that I was a guy who liked his daughter. But there seemed to be something else there. Something bigger. The days were catching up with us. They were going to leave out of Houston the next weekend, and they had many family things to do. We had made arrangements for me to pick them up and take them to the Army Surplus because they were needing a big duffle bag for clothes and things. I got ready and headed over to their Aunt’s house. I drove up, and started to get out of the car. Gaby came out of the house and made her way over to the car. I smiled and asked her if they were ready to go. She looked scared, she kept looking around behind her and to her sides. She said she wanted to talk to me. I was caught off guard by the seriousness in her voice, but I agreed. “Come On, lets walk.” She said nervously. So we walked, around the mobile home park her Aunt lived in. Up and down the streets. She explained it all to me. It’s almost like another story in itself. I’ll try to summarize. It happened before she came up to San Antonio, before she met me. She had gone to Mexico City with some friends and met some other folks. Well there was a girl that was liking a guy there in Mexico City. For whatever reason Gaby’s friends there, didn’t like this girl. Or they didn’t like this girl for this guy. So they told Gaby to pretend she was going out with him, to make the other girl jealous or whatever. So Gaby did it. According to her, she didn’t think that much of the guy, so she wasn’t worried about actually having to live up to the lie. So she left Mexico City. The guy eventually found out. And ofcourse he was probably stoked. Here is a beautiful girl telling everyone that she likes me and wants to date me? And maybe even saying that we are already dating? Hell ya! I would have been stoked too. Any guy would have. So now the word has spread, Gaby is dating this guy. Which according to Gaby, was a lie. A Game. So what does the guy do? He decides it's about time that Gaby’s parents know about “them”. (whatever ”them” could be?) So he goes and talks to her parents about what? You guessed it, Marriage. See it works differently in Mexico. To say your dating is almost to say your engaged. There doesn’t seem to be a single word for boyfriend, only fiancé. They don’t date to get to know each other and possibly get married. They date to get married. No questions about it. Sometimes there is even arranged marriages. Some marriages are not for love or because they know each other and want to be with each other. But they marry for security and stability. Obviously not every marriage or situation is like this, but that’s what this case was. Gaby’s parents were surprised, here she hadn’t mentioned she was dating a guy, this guy who was older then her by I believe 10 years. And now she was getting set to get married? Her parents were probably shocked, but what she told me, they went along. The thing I learned about her parents was, they controlled her. Ever since was young, they told her what to do. Which is common when your younger. But as she grew up, she wanted her freedom, and her parents had a hard time with that. She told me she dated guys in school that she knew her parents wouldn't like. And her parents actually rarely knew this. It was a regular case of teenage rebellion. One that I never had to go through. I couldn’t rebel against something that wasn’t there. Once a person has as much freedom as you can possible have, there’s not much left to rebel against. She liked me for that. She said I acted different than any other guys she had met. She liked that I was balanced in my rebelliousness. Or the lack thereof. She told me she felt stuck. Her parents approved of this guy, and if things were going to escalate she would end up doing something she never really wanted to do, to a guy she never liked in the first place. So she broke it off. She told the guy she didn’t like him, and she told her parents she broke it off with him. But what she didn’t tell them is that it all was a lie. She didn’t tell them she never liked the guy in the first place, she didn’t tell them it was all a game. I guess she didn’t want to anger them, she didn’t want them to be disappointed in her. They didn’t know about the guys at school, they didn’t know about the game with this older guy, and what made me nervous, is that they didn’t know about me. After she told them she broke it off with the guy, they got frustrated. Like I said, you date, you get married. To lead someone on, especially for the girl to do it to a older man, was almost illegal. Plus he was a man who was settled. He had the stability, he had the income, he was what a mexican husband was supposed to be, he had that ego, and he wasn’t to be toyed with. That’s what she said her parents were mad about, because it seemed like she was passing up a guy that could be a good thing. It seemed to me almost like they thought it as business venture, more then a relationship. It seemed like she was passing up some sort of deal that would have her set for life. To me it looked as if they could careless whether she actually loved the guy, just so long that he could take care of her. She felt the same way as me. She didn’t want to marry this guy, she didn’t like him, she didn’t even know him very well. She told me she liked me, and that she wanted to continue to get to know me better. She wasn’t ready for marriage just yet, she still had goals and things she wanted to do with her life. That can be a problem too. In Mexico, tradition and family is very important. It’s not uncommon for kids to still live with her parents well into their 30’s. Their parents still play a major role in their lives, they make decisions for them. Even if they were to get married, they are still so close knit. So for her to go against the grain, for her to not want that life right away, and to pass up a good opportunity, didn’t seem to make sense to her parents. It made perfect sense to me though. I was from the U.S. where kids leave home at 18 to go to college. It’s almost a tradition here, that you got out of the house as soon as possible. Even myself at 17 was out on my own. That was the life I was used too, I wasn’t used to parents telling me what to do, and when to do it. I had my sister and brother in law and others to help guide, but I was making my own decisions at an early age. So to say that parents could control her life like that, seemed so foreign, even stupid. But in her reality it was the other way around. She was almost 21 and her parents still very much controlled her life. I could understand to a point, because technically she was living under their roof. But telling her who to like? That was absurd to me. She told me her dad got so frustrated that she dumped the guy; he told her that the next guy she liked she had to marry. No games, no exceptions. I found that a little unsettling. What did that mean for me? I could understand now why she wanted to kind of keep us a secret. She didn’t want her parents to know about me just yet. But there was a problem. Her Aunt had found out about us. I guess with me picking her up and hanging out with her, and maybe because someone said something, her Aunt found out we liked each other. I thought “so what?” I didn’t care if they knew we liked each other. But obviously Gaby did. It got more complicated. She told me after she dumped that guy and her parents got angry with her. she was feeling down. I don’t know if she felt that way because she felt she let her parents down, or because of the foolishness of her actions. Whatever it was, she needed to get away, to clear her head, and that’s why she came to San Antonio. She didn’t think she was going to meet me, and she wasnt planning on falling for anyone up here. But I just happened. Her mom though, had called her Aunt and they had been talking about her. Her mom under the assumption that she was depressed because of the guy, told her Aunt that Gaby was so depressed. Gaby had never told her mom about the lie, or the game. The mom said Gaby was sad because it didn’t work out with that guy. Which was totally bogus. So here is Gaby, supposed to be so sad over this guy, but is having a good time with me? Her Aunt put 2 and 2 together, and realized Gaby was liking me. Her Aunt then seemed to almost threaten her with that. She said that if she didn’t break it off with me, that she would tell her mom about me. This in turn would have repercussions, with her parents, and with me. It was almost surreal what I was hearing. She said she wished she wouldn't have played that game on that guy, then she or we wouldn’t be in this mess. I reminded her that if she wouldn’t have done that, she wouldn’t have come to San Antonio. Then we would have never met. I told her, what she did in the past didn’t matter to me, because I’ve done things I’m not proud of either. All I needed to know was that she liked me now, and that she wanted to be with me. She said Yes. She gave me a hug and a kiss and we kept walking. Her Grandfather had been driving around trying to find her by now, and he picked us up. We got back in the car, and drove back to her Aunt’s house a few streets down. When we got there, I had to leave. I wouldn’t be taking them for a bag, I wouldn’t be doing anything with them that day. With her Aunt not letting me see her, I didn’t know if this was going to be the last time I saw her. I thought about it as I waved goodbye and drove home. It all was unreal. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. How things were so perfect, and in one day, things had totally changed. Now we would remain a silent couple, liking each other in secret. Even if I went to Guadalajara, I wouldn’t meet the parents. And if I did meet them I would be introduced as just a friend, not as a boyfriend. She had told me she knew her dad, and that he wouldn't approve of me. I found that disturbing. She said I was different then what they wanted for her, and they wouldn’t allow anything different. They wanted stability. I had a ok job. They wanted security; I had a bed and a stereo. They wanted income; I had a few bucks and a old Mazda. They wanted a husband; to them I would just be the boyfriend. It dawned on me, that this was going to be a lot harder then I thought it was. I was ready though. She was worth the fight, I was ready. I had no idea what I was in store for.

Part 8

That week went by slowly. I didn’t hear from Gaby hardly at all. They didn’t meet us Thursday like they usually did. I didn’t know if I would ever see her again. I had talked about going to Guadalajara, but I wasn’t sure when or even where to go once I got there? Karah talked to Gaby and conveyed some messages to me. There was a wedding on that Saturday, and Karah told me that the girls were going to the wedding with her. She said that I should show up, that way I could see Gaby before she left that Sunday. We had planned for me to go separately that way no one could know I was going there to meet up with them. But Gaby’s Aunt thought of that. Gaby's Aunt told them, that if I showed up at the wedding, they couldn’t go. They would have to leave. How would she know? Then I remembered Little Dan was going to be there too. That little spy would rat me out. I laughed at how retarded it all sounded. The Nerve of her Aunt! I didn’t know what grudge or problem her Aunt had with me, I thought I was an ok person. So after much what I like to call litigation, it was decided that I wouldn’t go to the wedding. We had my brother’s girlfriend involved, Karah’s dad involved, all pulling for me to go. But her Aunt wouldn’t have it. So I didn’t go. I stayed at home and hung out with Matt. I was a little pissed off, but more confused. I had no idea what they had against me. I think it was so stupid for them to act like that. But they did, and Gaby couldn’t do anything about it. Sunday came. I went to church, but left early with Karah, and we headed over to her house. Gaby and her cousin had stayed there from the night before, and I got to say my goodbyes. Her Aunt showed up to pick her up, which at the sight of me, didn’t look too happy. We hugged a long goodbye. Gaby told me to check my email. And then she left. Drove away just like that. So I went home that day and checked it. There was an email from her. It said something to the effect that she had so much fun with me, that she would miss me a whole bunch and that she didn’t want to leave. She promised to write and keep in touch. I would see her again. I wrote back, promised to visit her in a few months. But for now, she was gone, and I had a lot of work ahead of me.

Part 9

Well folks, I still haven't gotten back my computer, so I decided to rewrite Part 9. Which has actually worked out better, because I have remembered a bit more. I have part 10 ready to go also, but not yet finished on part 11. This week I leave for Iowa for two weeks (on Thursday to be exact) but I will keep the story going even while I am there. From the looks of it I will have lots of time on my hands up there, and with my new laptop, I should have no problem finishing the story. But until then, here is the next chapter, in the ongoing saga that was, and still is my life. Enjoy.

The next big thing I remember was actually a concert. Weezer to be exact. It was a pretty good concert, but all the while I was thinking about Gaby. As they played “Only In Dreams” I thought about her, and wished she was there with me. As the long guitar breakdown at the end of the song played, blue lights and smoke flashed, and I thought about all of our times together. How fast she had came into my life. And how fast she had left it. I wondered what she was doing, if she was thinking as much about me as I was her. A few days later I found out. She had emailed me. She and her cousin had made it to Guadalajara ok, and everything was ok. I would have to say I was a little worried about the flight, because that was not too long after 9/11. Everyone was a little tense about flying. She told me she was a bit nervous at first herself, and then when the airline couldn’t find the right tickets for their flight, that didn’t help much. She said that the airline had overbooked, and because of this, they got to fly first class. Her and her cousin got all sorts of free food and drinks, which they fully took advantage. She said they ate like they had never eaten before. I remember I emailed back something to the effect that “I am glad that you and nice arrived safely.” It was something simple to me, nothing out of the ordinary. She emailed back saying “ you know, that’s why I like you, cause you not only think about me, but you think about my cousin too.” I was surprised. To me it was just nothing, but to her it meant more. I guess those little things, those things you don’t ever think matter much, end up being what matters the most.

Over the next few days and weeks, we emailed each other. I had given her my work email that way I could respond faster to her mails. Sometimes she would be online during the day, and we could send emails almost like if it was a chat room. She told me about her life there, how it had slowly gotten back to normal. She said she missed San Antonio, she missed the places we would go, the downtown and the riverwalk. She missed me. She missed having me there to fight, she missed my joking around. She missed holding my hand. I read this with my heart on the verge of cardiac arrest. To hear such things was just music to my Gaby loving ears. She told me about everyday life, how her and her mom would like to go shopping at the market for all sorts of things. I got a picture in my head, I imagined her there, walking through the many stands and small shop like markets. I imagined her hair in its natural curls hanging down her face, her lips lightly covered with lip gloss. Her face would shine in the sun, her eyes would sparkle, and the small scar on her left cheek (that she got when she was a baby, when the doctor performing the C Section on her mom cut a bit too deep) would compliment her smile. I imagined this all in my head, because all I had was her text, her black and white words on my screen. I imagined her room, her computer there in the corner where she wrote me from. I really had no idea what to imagine, because I had nothing to go off of. It’s funny when you have nothing, how the mind can come up with all sorts of colors and concepts of what you think it would be like. How funny I was back then, how optimistic and confident I was. Ignorance is bliss after all.

I remember getting an email saying that she had gained weight in the United States. She said when she got back home, all her friends had said that she got fat. She said most of her clothes were fitting tighter and that she needed to do something about it. She said she was going on a diet. I laughed at the thought. A diet? Is she crazy?? She looked great! There was no need for a diet! But that got me thinking, if her friends thought SHE was fat, what the hell would they think of me if they ever met me? I was Mr. Fatty McButterpants at the time! I could imagine the worst, them meeting me and in their light speed spanish saying something to the effect “she likes him??” I thought about it, and I made the decision. I would go on a diet too. I emailed her back and broke the news to her. She laughed a bit in her response, but said that if I wanted to go on a diet, then I should. Why not be healthier? So from that day on, I had made up my mind to do it, to be on a diet, or at least attempt to be. The first thing that came to mind, was exercise. In the past I would play basket ball every week, most of the time many days a week for hours on end. I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted, because I would work it off. But now with the desk job, and the lack of people willing to play, I had packed on the pounds. But things were going to change. I found about a gym up the street and because of pressure from another employee (thanks Pablo) joined. I had actually joined many many months before, but had never actually gone. The pressure of it all just turned me away. I thought I was going to walk in and see nothing but Brad Pitt look a likes. Everyone would be buff and cut and model material, and I would be the fat laughing stock of the gym. I would show up in my old basketball shorts and my beat up adidas while everyone else would be in their aerodynamic state of the art work out clothes designed by NASA. I would certainly be shunned. But boy, was I completely wrong. I remember the first day. I walked in and changed and walked in the gym. For the most part it was empty. There were a few people, the majority of them just normal people. I searched around the room for the Brad’s, but they were no where to be found. Everyone looked pretty normal, even some being heavier then me. That made me feel better. I wasn’t the outkast (hey ya!) after all. I didn’t really know what to do. I remember just watching others use the machines and weights, taking mental notes. The first thing I did do though was the treadmill. I figured I better warm up with some jogging first, before I attempted to lift all kinds of massive heavy weights. I set it to a slow jog, sure no problem. I stayed on it for about 20 minutes, and didn’t even break a sweat. Ok so this working out stuff was going to be easy! I used a couple machines, for the shoulders, legs and all sorts of other body parts. I watched a guy do some crunches, and I knew that was what I had to do. I had to destroy my stomach. Or shall I say gut. Yes my gut. My elephant size, enormous, mistaken for a mountain range, viewable from space, gut. I had to get rid of it. It was my worst enemy. Even if my legs and armed were toned and cut, this gut could not be this way. The guy did many reps, many different styles of crunches. Bicycle crunches, crunches with his legs up, side crunches. I watched, and soon began to copy his every move. I used the ab flex machine thingy and did regular crunches on the floor. That first day I was a ab pimp. I slapped my stomach in the face and told it who it’s daddy was. As I emerged from the floor, my stomach felt tight, even slightly stronger. I loved the thought. The first work out came and went, and I was proud. I had spent 1 hour and 30 minutes in the gym that day, yes I had spent my time to work on me. I relished the idea. I was working out? Me? Yes, Me. Now if ever anyone said for any possible spontaneous reason, “do you work out?” I could say a resounding “Yes, I do.” I felt good, I felt proud, I felt strong, and this was only the first day. I was confident in myself, all the while naïve to the pain and agony that awaited me, just around the bend.

Part 10

I remember going into work, my muscles felt a bit tight, but all together it was a good feeling. In the past I had been an avid basketball player, so I was no stranger to a bit of tightness in my muscles and a bit of soreness in the joints. I talked to Pablo about the Gym. He said that he went almost every day after work, to get in a good work out. About an hour or two. Everyday? I don’t know about all that. I decided I would start off slow, just 3 days a week. With a day in between to give myself a rest. I would work out for as long as I thought was good, which I thought would be what I did the first time at the gym, an hour and a half. Pablo gave me some pointers on how to properly lift weights and that type of thing. While talking to him about it, a girl that I had worked with overheard me asking questions. Her name was Jessica. She was a cool girl, we had become friends since I had moved into the department. She asked me if I was going to the gym up the street, and I told yes that I had joined. See we got a discount for working at the company. We only had to pay $15 bucks a month. The Gym wasn’t all that, it was actually pretty small and quaint. But I liked it because for some reason it never got packed with people. She told me that she had joined also and that maybe I would we could work out together sometime. I said sure, and maybe we would see each other sometime there. She asked me how much weight I was trying to lose and I told “as much as I can.” She said she wanted to drop about 5 pounds. 5? That’s it?? That seemed so easy to me. I told her I was thinking I wanted to lose about 20, just for starters. She said I was crazy. Yeah I was, 20 pounds? That was a high number when you’re first starting out. We talked a bit more and decided to make a friendly wager. Whoever loses the most weight over a 2 period would be the winner. And what would we win? What else? Food! The loser had to buy the other one lunch, a nice lunch, no fast food. So with this new wager, and the motivation that Gaby provided by her just being her, I was ready. Ready to get skinny.

That PAIN was unreal. The AGONY I was in. The soreness I felt, was like nothing else. I was sore in places that I didn’t even know I had. I could hardly walk, I couldn’t bend over, I couldn’t move my arms! I felt as if I was wrapped in some body cast of pure agony. Oh yeah, it usually takes about 42 hours for the soreness to kick in Pablo explained to me. Thanks Pablo! Thanks for telling me this AFTER I had worked out. I was so freely lifting weights, running on the treadmill, doing crunches. Never aware of this PAIN and AGONY that was just waiting, scheming to attack me. I had never felt this before. Even in basketball, I had been sore and tired, but never this. Never this feeling of having your muscles wrapped around you like a straight jacket. But I thought about it, and I figured it was a good thing. When your working out, pain and soreness usually means you did something right. Muscles were sore because they were exercised. All those years of lying there dormant were over, I had suddenly awoken them. I had ran in and dropped kicked them while they were sleeping, and they never saw it coming.

So I started to be more and more regular at the gym, learning more and more about the proper way to exercise. I was watching what I ate, but I wasn't taking it very serious. I had talked to a trainer at the gym and he had mentioned that if I don’t at least watch what I eat most of the week, then there was no point in working out. So that's when I truly started the diet I spoke of earlier. A hardcore one at that. If I was going to do this, I was going to go all the way. No compromising on this. I cut the candies, I cut the cakes, the chips, all the snacks, I cut every sort of junk food possible. I didn’t eat bread, I didn’t drink soda, not even the diet ones. I ate only salads, fruit, and lean meat. I would eat a bit of rice now and then, but mostly I dined on salad and grilled chicken. I drank only water, and occasionally pineapple and apple juice. It was hard at first, because I was so used to drinking Pepsi, Mexican Coke, and all types of snacks and sandwiches. And Mexican food! It’s practically impossible to eat Mexican Food while you’re on a diet. No refried beans, no spanish rice, no tortillas! No enchiladas smothered with cheese and sauce, no fried flautas and sour cream. I did eat chicken fajita, but without the tortilla. I didn’t eat much cheese either. I figured that was somehow fattening. I disciplined myself to only eat foods that I thought were healthy and natural. And I didn’t eat after 6 PM. That was the hard part. The group would still go out to the movies and all that, and usually get something to eat after. Chili’s, Outback, TGI Fridays, all those places that serve such good food. If it were after 6 you would find me there, with just my glass of water. I would sit and watch the other’s eat their dinners. They would try and tempt me with a bite, but I didn’t crack. Not me. I was determined. I was going to be thinner; I had made up my mind. Gaby was going to get a thinner me, and that was all there was too it. She was more important then these people, and I would not compromise that. I was so focused now, and I wasn’t going to give up.

In speaking with a trainer, he recommended some supplements. No, not energy pills. They were dietary supplements that most take when they are working out. I was a bit weary at first. I didn’t know all the facts about this stuff, whether it was a cheap excuse for steroids. I did some research and found out that it was actually a pretty safe thing. So I bought some, and started taking them, one in the morning and one in the afternoon right before my workout. I didn’t feel much of a difference, but it did seem to curb my appetite a bit, and helped with the soreness. It was going well, I was keeping a regular at the gym and started feeling a bit different. Was I seeing results already? I had gotten on the scale everyday I went, just to see how much weight I had loss if any. I would stare in the mirror at myself, “my stomach looks flatter right?” “Yeah I swear it does!” I looked for any indication I was actually progressing. I hoped for it. It better be there! I noticed a slight difference. I got on the scale, and yes I wasn’t fooling myself! I had lost two pounds! TWO POUNDS! I was so happy, and that just gave me more motivation to continue. It was actually working, I was doing it! Soon I would be the thin stud that I knew I could be, and Gaby would be so surprised! I imagined her seeing me for the last time as the chunky, chubby me. But soon he would be no more! I would be the thin, fitter, stronger, happier, newly improved me. She would be speechless! Her motivation stuck with me, and I kept her in mind the entire time. We emailed, but I didn’t tell her about my miraculous weight loss. No it was too early, I was going to see how much more I would drop. So I kept to it, three times a week. It was hard, but I was happy, I was excited. I was ready for anything that was thrown my way.

Part 11

The end of the year was approaching and it came to the point when I needed to pick a date to visit her. I looked at the Calendar, and searched for the perfect date. I wanted to go for a week, or maybe even more. I talked it over with my boss, and found that no one had requested days off in February. We had President’s Day off, which fell on February 17th. That year it was on a Sunday, so that meant they would give us Monday the 18th off to make up for it. I got to save a day of vacation because of this. That meant I could stay one more day on top of that. So I looked at many dates, and after much consideration, I decided on the dates. I would leave Thursday the 14th after work and arrive around 11 PM that night. Then I would leave Sunday the 24th. That gave me about 11 days there with her. I was so excited, I was so happy that soon, in a month or two I would be there with her. We would be together again.

The end of the year came and went without many events. The days seemed to fly by and soon I knew I would be seeing her. I was a seasoned regular at the gym, and I was seeing results. A month had passed since I had started, and I had lost about 10 or 12 lbs. My clothes were fitting bigger, my shirts seemed so roomy, and I felt so much lighter. My stomach was noticeably flatter, and my face was starting to change, from the round face to the more defined cheekbones. My double chin had reduced greatly, and all around I was feeling great. And I wasn’t finished. I was going to keep going, I wanted to be at my best for when I saw her. And now with the dates confirmed by the purchase of the ticket, I had my deadline. There was no way I was going to stop now, I was extremely determined to work out and diet up until the last day, just so I could shed that last pound. I remember going to Marshall’s and putting some clothes on lay away, because I wanted to only be wearing new quality clothes for when I saw her. I wanted it all to be perfect, I wanted to surprise her in every which way and fashion. I was getting ready for my moment of glory.

I was going to fly in to Guadalajara, and was going to be picked up by a friend (Iliana) I have known for many years, who also lives there in Guadalajara. I was excited to see her too, because I hadn’t seen her in many years. But we were just friends, and I had told her all about Gaby and how we seemed to just click while she was here in San Antonio. She thought it was great, and offered that if I wanted too, I could stay at her house, that way I wouldn’t have to pay the money for the hotel. I decided that was a good idea, that way I could at least have someone to show me around the city, or to help me and Gaby meet up at a location that they both knew. Guadalajara is a big city, and Gaby lived in a district or a suburb of the main city named Zapopan. Iliana lived closer into the city, so it wasn’t very close to where Gaby lived. Plus because I wouldn’t be able to call Gaby’s house, for fear the parents would answer and get suspicious, I had Iliana to call and help. She speaks both spanish (obviously) and near perfect English, so she was very much appreciated and needed. Things started to look on the up and up, I was feeling more and more optimistic. I should have known, I shouldn’t have been so happy, because it was the perfect time for something to go wrong.

I got the email while I was at work. We had been emailing everyday or every other day that she was available and all seemed well and calm. That’s when it hit the fan. She wrote me a somewhat medium sized email, and I could almost sense the caution in her words. Much like the way she spoke when we walked around her aunt’s neighborhood. Her words had changed from happy go lucky, whimsical sentences to foreboding short fragments, as if she was constantly looking over her back when she was writing it. The worse had happened. Her dad had found out about me. I don’t know if the aunt that lived here in San Antonio had told him (which was probably the case) or he stumbled across on of my emails, but she said that he knew. And he wasn’t very happy. She said that he asked who I was, and she had told him that I was a guy that she met while she was in San Antonio. I don’t know if she told him that she liked me, that we were practically going out, but I guess he was not a dumb father. He knew what I was before she ever told or didn’t tell him. I’m sure he just wanted to see what she would say I was. She said he didn’t say much (which from what she said, wasn’t a good thing) about the subject. She said she didn’t know if her mom knew, but she didn’t think so because her mom would have freaked. So she didn’t know what to do. She did know now though, that I the fact I was coming to visit her, had to be a complete secret. I couldn’t even be introduced to her parents as a friend now, because her dad would know better. When I went down there, I wouldn’t even get to meet her parents at all. Even she would have to be a bit sneaky, because they couldn’t know I was in town, or that she was going to see me. She stated that she was going on vacation to a little town on the beach with her family for the next two weeks and would be emailing for that time. She said she was going to try to talk to her dad, and convince him that I was the guy she liked and that it was a good thing for us to be together. She said she would be back in the middle of January, and she would email me back as soon as she got back. She said she wanted to be with me no matter what, and that her parents might come around once they got to know me and see the kind of guy I really was. And with that, the email finished. I would have to admit I was floored. I didn’t know what to think. I was kind of angry and confused at the same time. How could her parents make such a big deal about me? Why was it such a big deal if she liked someone on her own? Was that such a crime? I reread the email over and over, trying to make more and more sense of her words, but nothing more came. I would just have to wait for her to email me back, hopefully she could talk her dad into meeting me, or even accepting me as the guy that she liked. I was worried though, I kept my mind for jumping to the worst conclusion. I needed to just stay busy, and it would all work out.

While working out at the gym they would play the local rock station and I got accustomed to the latest songs. I remember Matt telling me about this great new album by Incubus. I hadn’t really paid much attention to Incubus in the past, listening off and on to their album “Make Yourself.” But this new album that came out a few months before, it was different. It had a beachy feel to it. Which I liked. So I gave it a listen. The name? “Morning View.” Matt recommended a song he had heard on the radio, he said that it kind of was perfect for what I was feeling at the time about Gaby. And he was right. The name of the song was “Wish You Were Here.” That’s exactly how I felt at the time. I wish she was here, I wish I had her next to me again. I listened to the words, and they all seemed to apply. He spoke about being on a beach, looking at the stars, feeling the wind on his face, and all the while thinking about that person you would want to share it with. From the writer’s own words, the explanation came:

'Wish You Were Here'. A simple and straightforward ditty about the beauty of a moment in paradise. And the desire to share that moment with someone of like mind..."

And how it fit. How I felt that same way. How I felt that my paradise was anywhere that she was by my side. Whether it be here in San Antonio, there in Guadalajara, or anywhere else in the world, that’s where I wanted to be, and I wanted her to share that with me. The song was perfect, it fit the situation perfectly. I downloaded it and listened to it, and soon went out and bought the whole album. The album turned out to be one of the biggest and best albums I had ever heard. Just the lyrics and music alone blew me away. I remember looking at the song listing on the album and noticing that one of the songs was even named “Mexico.” I was curious that this song would some how apply to my situation also and read up on the lyrics. But this song was in complete contrast. This song was a very sad, melancholy song. About how some relationship gone awry. The words echoed in my mind, how it seemed so sad. The lyrics:

You could see me reaching
So why couldn't you have
Met me halfway
You could see me bleeding
But you could not put
Pressure on the wound

I thought about the seriousness of the lyric. How this person had seemingly did him wrong! What would possess a person to write such lyrics? What pain he was going through to conjure up those words! Then he spoke more:

You could see me breathing
But you still kept
Your hand over my mouth
You could feel me seething
But you just turned
Your nose up in the air

And then the words that really stuck out in my head:

You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
You'd better bend before I go
On the first train to Mexico

He had had enough. He was telling this person how selfish they had been. He had gave them an ultimatum, that unless they bend and change or he was leaving. He would be on the first train to Mexico. I was wondering if this had came from personal experience or if this was just a song that he wrote from someone else’s experience. Either way, what a powerful song, and such contrast from the happy, almost too optimistic “Wish You Were Here.” But either way, I loved them both, even though I obviously couldn’t identify with “Mexico” like I did “Wish You Were Here.” The album soon became one of my all time favorites, one of the highest honors in my music mind. The album would prove to mean so much more then I ever thought at the time.

I remember someone at work talking about wedding song’s, to which I said that I already knew what would be the perfect wedding song. It was an old Beatles song, one that would fit really any wedding/relationship. The song was “In My Life.” I explained that the song was very simple, pretty much stating that in his life he had met many people, and seen many places, all them being loved. But then he simply says that he loves that person more. More then all those people and places. It seemed so perfect, to say that to a person, that no matter what, you loved them more then anything else. When I actually think about it now, I remember I actually had told that to Gaby. That day when we went in Matt’s room to listen to music, and I was showing her my photos from our roadtrip, that was the reason why we went in his room. He had the song on his computer, and I wanted to play it for her. I had explained the meaning to her, just like I had to those who didn’t know it at work. That day I remember going to Circuit City, because talking about the song all morning made me want to own it. I figured I would just get a greatest hits by them or some other album that had that song on it. I remember buying the original recording of “Rubber Soul” because that was the only album they had with that song on it. I got back into my car and put the song on. I looked at the song listing and there it was, “In My Life” number 11. This kind of made me laugh, the irony! Now if you can’t figure out what the irony was, then you didn’t think like me back then. See, this was the song that me and Gaby had agreed on to be a great wedding song. Even possibly our future wedding song? That of course I wasn’t sure of. But it was number 11. This stood out in my mind because we had really hit it off in November, the 11th month of the year. Like I said I for some reasons always meet girls in November and December. So I laughed at the irony! Of any song, the one song that reminded me of Gaby, happened to be the number of the magical month we spent together. The month that I had looked forward too because of the camping, the same place that me and Gaby had our perfect day together. How it seemed to just fit so well! Almost like a movie! Maybe if the song was number 9 it wouldn’t have made me smile. I remember driving back to work, thinking to myself, that’s weird, it’s always like number 11 some reason? Why? I pulled up into my assigned parking spot on top of the garage and as I was parking I went a bit too far and hit the curb pretty hard. I got out to make sure the front of the car was ok, and as I was kneeled down I happened to look at my parking space number. Number 371. I had never really noticed before, usually just pulling up and getting out without a second thought, but this time it made me a bit surprised. I had the album in my hand as I backed away. Number 371. What was significant about number 371? Let me tell you. 3+7+1= 11. I checked my math in my head over a few times. This was just a coincidence, I knew it. How could this even be the slightest bit true? I laughed to myself for even thinking of the possibility that this “meant” something. I didn’t believe in signs, I didn’t believe in destiny, I didn’t believe that two people were star-crossed lovers. This would all be something to laugh at and say “whoa that’s pretty weird!” But I was curious. The coincidences made me look at other things. I looked at the Incubus album from a different angle, seeing if any of the track listing could some how fit into my little number game. “Wish You Were Here” was number 3. Number 3? What did could that possibly mean? The number 3 had no significance whatsoever! And the song “Mexico” it was number 7! Number 7 really didn’t have any significance! So my coincidental ironic number game had ended just as soon as it had started. I remember going at the grocery store one night I saw Karah there. I explained how funny it was to me how the number 11 had always seemed to come up, especially when it involved Gaby. She laughed and told me that I was just imagining things. She said that when your mind is looking for things like that, it usually will find them. And it was true. Before the Gaby, the number 11 was just an unimportant number, and even though November had been a great month, that’s all it was. No amount of cosmic love and power had been made. I agreed and laughed at my silly thoughts, how foolish! I guess I just wanted Me and Gaby to work so badly, and sometimes you look for “greater” reasons for that to happen. It was just my romantic side getting the better of me, trying to find some reason from the beyond, that Gaby and I made “sense” being together. It wasn’t enough that I liked her, and she like me. So I thought about it some more, and let it be. I gave up the dramatic movie romance, and settled for the real one I had a chance at. The numbers didn’t mean anything after all, the only thing that mattered was that I liked her and she liked me. That would dwarf any silly ironic game of numbers.

Part 12

The two weeks had passed and I awaited her email. I was hoping that she got to smooth out everything with her dad while they were on vacation. I hoped that he had decided to at least meet me and try to get to know me, as the guy that she had chosen to like. I hoped for any sign of hope, any small piece of optimism. I waited another week, with no word from her. I was starting to get worried. I hadn’t heard from her in three weeks, and January was ending in a little less then two weeks. Then two more and I would be down there. What would I do? What could I do? How would I see her? How would I make arrangements to get together and meet? I emailed her and asked her if everything was ok, but I got no response. I got nothing. Another week went by and I didn’t get any word from her. I thought the worst. Maybe her dad had freaked out and taken her computer away altogether, maybe he forbid her from talking to me at all? Maybe I was banned completely from her life. I couldn’t deal with that thought. I had to do something, I had to make contact somehow and find out what was going on. All this time we had gone only a few days without hearing from each other, and now this? Almost a month without hearing from her? And then on top of that seriousness of the last email I did receive? I didn’t know what to think. I had already bought the ticket, I had made arrangements with Iliana, I had done all this! How could she not at least email me? How?

I got out my frustration and fear in the gym. I was working out like a mad man by this time. And the results were clearly visible. By that time, I had lost about 35-40 pounds. I had started at about 220 and was now down to about 185. The change had changed me. I felt like a new me, I felt lighter, more confident, and so much more positive. Everywhere I went people looked at me different. People who hadn’t seen me in a month or so, just stopped and stared. They couldn’t believe it. I was even asked by a few people, if I was sick. I guess they saw me one month a chubby guy, and now this newer, thinner me. I was much more fit. I was even starting to get cut, seeing definition in my triceps. This was all new to me, because even in my younger thinner days, I was by no means cut. But I was getting there. Slowly but surely. I didn’t really even notice much, but I would have to say, the girl at work did. All of a sudden they paid more and more attention to me. Girls I had never even got a second look from in the past, were now saying hi and smiling. What the hell? Was this for real? Did they know it was me? The fat me? I would have to say it did feel pretty good to get looked at as a sort of “hottie” but then I laughed about it too. For as much as I had transformed my body into a thinner specimen, my mind was very much the same. The same old dork that everyone knew. The same old goofy guy who liked to write and listen to loud rock music. And no matter how many girls did show me more attention and give me little flirty smiles, there was only one girl on my mind. It was all about Gaby, I had done it for Gaby, I had put my self through work out hell for her. She was my motivation the entire time. That hadn’t changed, no matter how much my physical appearance had.

I waited another week, and still nothing. It was now less then two weeks until my trip and my Inbox was empty. I thought about the trip, whether I should call the whole thing off. I didn’t know if Gaby knew the dates I was coming, I remember sending them to her, but I had never received a confirmation from her that she had gotten them, or if they were good for her. I hadn’t received anything. Other then complete email silence. I thought about it all, and decided I would still go, I had too. I had invested too much in this already to just through it all away. But I decided to change it a bit. Flying into Guadalajara, it’s about a 5 or 6 hour bus ride to Puerto Vallarta. I loved Vallarta, not only because I have familia that lives there, but because it’s just an awesome town. Beautiful beaches, tropical settings, and just an all around very laid back beachy party town. I hadn’t been there in about 4 years, when I had went for my cousin’s wedding, the same wedding I had met Iliana at. I was long overdue on my return. So I talked to Iliana, and said that I hadn’t heard from Gaby and that I was thinking about maybe just going a few days to Vallarta first. Then coming back to Guadalajara, and spending the week there with Gaby. She agreed, she loved Vallarta, it being her hometown. So I looked at my itinerary and restructured. I was going to fly in on Thursday night, so I though that maybe Friday afternoon we could leave for Vallarta. Then we could leave Vallarta Sunday night and be back by Monday the 18th so I could spend my precious time with Gaby. So it was finalized, Iliana agreed and it was done. Iliana had asked me if I had heard from her, and I told her no, I still hadn’t heard anything. So that’s when it hit me. Pure Genius struck me on the head like a bolt of lightning. Iliana lived in the same city! Hello Robbie!! Where have you been all this time?? I couldn’t call myself, so I decided I would have Iliana call Gaby, and see if she could find out some info. Did she get the dates I was going down there? Had she talked to her dad and made peace? Was she just as excited as I was? I waited a few days for Iliana’s answer, my trip looming less then two weeks away. I got my answer in an email from Iliana. And it was the answers I so greatly wanted. Iliana had called her and spoke with her. Her mom had answered the phone, but Iliana had asked for her in spanish, and being a female voice, her mom thought nothing. She told me she talked to Gaby and had found out the facts. She hadn’t emailed because her computer had crashed, and that she didn’t have the money to get it fixed. Ok, that’s a good enough excuse, I guess. I would have gone to a cyber café, but hey that’s just me. Iliana said that Gaby told her that she had started a new job and was in training at the moment. But she was very, very, aware of my visit. And she was looking very forward to the time that we would get to spend together. She had told a lot of her friends about me, and they were eager to meet me also. I was excited, but then it dawned on me. She started a job? Why on earth, if you knew I was coming in less then two weeks, would you start a new job? I had to think about it for a while. Ok, her parents didn’t know I was coming, so I guess she had to act normal, like nothing was going to happen. Right? That sounds logical. So if her parents had pressured her to get a job now, how could she say no? No sorry I can’t start for another two weeks or so? Her parents would surely catch on. So I understood. Even though I knew this would cut into “our” time together, I accepted it. We always have the evenings after all. We could still hang out at the movies, and eat dinner, and everything you could do during the day right? So I wasn’t phased by it too much. Iliana had told me that she had told Gaby about how we were planning on going to Vallarta for a few days, and that Gaby had said that was fine. That first weekend she was going to be busy doing work for her cousin, so she wouldn’t have much time to spend anyways. But she had told Iliana to have me email her the day we were leaving Vallarta. To set up a time that we could meet. She told Iliana, that she would email me her work number, so when we did get back into Guadalajara, I could call her and we could set a time to meet. It all sounded good to me. I was pleased that Iliana had called her and found out the info I desperately needed to know, the info I couldn’t get myself. I owed her big.

The final two weeks before departure went very fast. I worked out up until the last week, when I had decided to take a break. I stayed on my diet, but gave my workout a week’s break, ending on the Saturday before. I was done, I was finished. My last weigh in being 174 lbs. I was extremely pleased with my progress, how I had stuck to it and done what I said I was going to. People were still gawking and trying to figure out how I dropped the weight so fast, but it didn’t bother me. I explained to them that between the diet, and running almost 3 miles on the treadmill every time I visited the gym, it just melted away. That’s almost 9 miles a week folks. Most people don’t even do that in a month. As I progressed, I would RUN too. Not just jog. I would start a little slow, but then be in a full on sprint by the time I was finished. My 30 minutes of Cardio flew by like seconds. Compared to before I was a monster when I was in the gym, I was fine tuned and well oiled machine. I had certainly come a long way, and soon it would all be worth it. When Gaby would see me, she would freak. She wouldn’t even think it was me. And it was all for her. She had helped me do it more then anybody. All those times I was tiring on the treadmill and wanting to hit the STOP button, I said no, this is for her. All those times I thought I couldn’t do one more rep, I said no, this is for her. I couldn’t wait for her to see the new me, the me I wanted her to have. If she liked the old fatter me, she would certainly be head over heels with this new one. The final week came and I was ready, I had money, I had my new clothes out of lay away, I had the new me. The map of Mexico I had put on the ceiling above my bed had finally come true. The night the big day I remember staring up at it as I lay in my bed. One glow in the dark plastic star on San Antonio, and one on Guadalajara. I thought to myself, tomorrow I will be there, tomorrow I will be there in her star. I will be in the same city, in the same state, in the same country. It was finally happening, I was happy, and I was ready.