As the day progressed we decided to get out a bit. We took the cell phone once again, just in case she
called us and wanted to meet up. Iliana wanted to take me around to some of the local sites, since most of the time we had been cooped up in the apartment waiting for a phone call. So was as we walked around, she showed me a couple of other plaza’s and other buildings of interest. We walked and walked, as the hours passed quite swiftly. The late afternoon sun start making it’s decent and we made our way to the mall. The same mall that I had walked around while Iliana was in there German class. As we arrived at the mall we walked around the stores, and made our way over to the movie theater. We both decided to see a movie, and we checked the times of the movie times. The next movie that was playing was “Shallow Hal” so we decided to buy tickets to that one. I had already seen it once, but I told Iliana I would see it again because she hadn’t seen it. I figure it was funny enough to see twice. That Jack Black! As we bought the tickets and waited in line, we talked about the week. How it had completely turned out the opposite of what I had thought. At the time I was pretty negative about the whole situation, and Iliana was the one who kept me positive about that whole thing. I had given up, I had thought the worst, but Iliana was still there, still trying to hang on to the thought that Gaby would call. And she did.
As we sat there watching the movie, maybe about 30 minutes into it, the cell phone lit up. She nudged me, and smiled, “see, it’s her!” As she answered the phone, she spoke quietly because of the other people in the movie theater. She spoke a few spanish sentences, carrying on the conversation. Then I remember her saying with a puzzling look on her face, “Ok, bye.” As she hung up the cell she looked at me. “Was that really her?” I asked? “Yes.” She whispered. “What did she say?” I asked, pretending not to really care. Iliana explained “Well she asked what we were doing, and I told her we were watching a movie, and she said that she would let me go so we wouldn’t miss the movie.” “I told her no no, it’s ok, we were waiting for her call, and that if she wanted to meet up with us, that we would leave right now and meet up with her.” “And what did she say to that?” I whispered. “She said No, that it was ok, and that we should enjoy the movie.” “Then I asked her if she at least wanted to say Goodbye to you, because your leaving tomorrow morning.” “And what did she say?” I asked, again acting like I didn’t care. “She said, No, that’s ok. I can’t, I got to go. And then she hung up.” “I just don’t get it?” Iliana said, with that same confused look on her face. “I don’t know either” I whispered back. And the fact of the matter was just that. I didn’t know. I had no idea. You think that after all that, after those days that she had me confused and worried, she would have at least had the respect, the kindness, the cajones to tell me goodbye. But she didn’t. So as I sat there and finished watching the movie, I realized the worst had happened. The worst thing that could possibly happen, had happened. My worst fear of Gaby, had come true. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t understand it, I couldn’t comprehend it. But whether I liked it or not, it had happened. And there was no changing it.
That night after the movie we went to eat at another Italian Restaurant in the mall. I talked a bit, Iliana still in disbelief. Like I said she was the positive one, she was the one that had the hope. But now even she knew. She had talked to Gaby herself, she had asked her if she wanted to say goodbye, and Gaby had told her no. Now Iliana knew what I knew, that it wasn’t going to happen. Ever. Gaby had seemingly made her point quite clear. And even though I knew it was over, one thing eluded me. Why? Why? Why not just tell me you don’t want to see me? Why not just tell me you don’t like me? Why not just tell me if your parents forbid me to see you? Why not say something! The questions loomed over my head, like a grey cloud hovering above. We finished our meal, and headed back to the apartment. The night was getting late, and the next morning would bring my departure. I had to pack my things, I had to get my clothes ready. I had lots to do.
The next morning came quickly and I finished getting my things organized and in their proper place. As they called the taxi, I packed the last of my things. But I would be leaving some things behind. See I had bought Gaby a ring. It wasn’t much, it wasn’t a platinum ring tons of diamonds on it. But it was a simple silver ring from James Avery. See, but this ring had meaning. It was symbolic. On the ring was symbols of the Four Seasons. A newly growing plant for Spring, a Sun for Summer, a tree without leaves representing Fall, and a snowflake for Winter. It being this:
The Ring
Why did I get her a ring that had the Four Season’s on it? Because to me, the seasons represented time. Time that we had spent together in San Antonio, and that time we were supposed to spend with each other this trip. See the way I saw it, the most important time, was the time we spent together. And no matter what season it was, Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter, I would be thinking of her. I would be waiting for the next amount of time that we would have together. But now, how things went, our time seemed to be gone. I never got that time, she never made the time for me, for us. So I wasn’t able to give her the ring. She would now never know all the time and thought I had put into that visit. She would never get that ring. I remember asking Iliana what I should do with it, and she said take it back and get my money back. But I thought that just didn’t do the ring justice. So as the taxi arrived and Iliana walked outside to put my bag in the car, I put the ring inside my notebook. The notebook was staying too. I had given it Iliana, so she could have a bit of my poetry. I put the ring between the pages and walked out of the room.
I said my goodbyes to Iliana’s family soon after. They had been extremely hospitable, opening there home and their kitchen to a person they had never met. They asked me to come back soon, and I smiled. I didn’t know if I was going to come back anytime soon.
As we drove to the airport we chatted some more about things. I was feeling better. As we drove I thought about the ring. Originally I had bought it for Gaby. But somewhere along the way she seemed to not deserve it. I had decided to leave it for Iliana. Part of me thought that was a sort of crappy thing to do, with Iliana knowing the real reason I bought it, and the real person it was intended to go to. But I didn’t care. Over the past 11 days she had proven that she deserved it. She had been there every minute, helping me stay positive, trying to keep me upbeat. She had sacrificed a great deal of her time for me, whereas Gaby had seemingly sacrificed none. So I thought leaving it with Iliana was the logical thing. I wanted the ring to go to the right girl, and she was the right girl. She deserved it.
As I made my way through the airport, I said my final goodbye’s to Iliana. I hugged her and thanked her for everything the had done. As we hugged she kissed me on the cheek. She really was a true friend, someone I could depend on, someone who would help and never ask anything back. As I went through security and walked down the hallway I looked back for a last goodbye. There Iliana stood, smiling, making a peace sign with her hand. Peace. How I longed for peace of mind, for explanation of the events that had just occurred. But as I flew back home, and as I write this today, that explanation has never come.
NOTE: Then to Now
When I arrived home I tried to figure out what had happened, but yet again I couldn’t come up with a explanation. I remember emailing Gaby, but never getting any reply. As the months passed, I decided to give it one final try. One last attempt to get a explanation for what had happened while I was in Guadalajara. I remember I decided to write one final email. It was more of a ultimatum then an email. It said that I understood things happen and sometimes things don’t work out the way we think they should. But I told Gaby, that if she had never wanted to see me, then why not tell me? I told her how Iliana spent everyday at the apartment waiting for her call, just to see if she would make time for me to see her. I told her that if I would have known that I was never going to see her, I could have and would have stayed in Vallarta until it was time to leave. I told her everything. All my frustration, all my confusion, all my hopes that we would still be a couple. And I gave her a choice. I told her that if I didn’t get a response from her this time, that I would assume we were over. That she no longer wanted me as a friend, a boyfriend, or any other form. I told her, I just didn’t understand. I told her if she didn’t want to date me fine, but at least give me a decent explanation of what happened. Still the question Why? lingered in my mind. As I sent the email I waited. I wouldn’t have long to wait.
That night as I was sitting on my computer, I saw that Gaby had signed into MSN Messenger. Before I could even click on her name she messaged me. She had got my email. She had read it. And she was responding. I was taken back at the quickness of her reply, and the fact that it was in a chat room, not through a email. We talked for a few minutes and then she apologized. She apologized, saying that she was so sorry things didn’t work out the way I thought they were going to when I was down there. She said she really was sorry. Then she said she had to go, and logged off. Once again, never telling me why. Part of me just wanted her to say that she didn’t like me, that she had never liked me, that I was stupid to think that I ever stood a chance with her. But the hard part was, I think she did like me. I think I did stand a chance with her. And for whatever unknown reason, it didn’t happen. That hurt the most, knowing she might have wanted it, but just not enough to do anything about it.
As the months rolled by I never heard back from her. Soon the months rolled into a year, as time passed. I started to get over her, the hurt being less and less as the months rolled by. Time had seemed to have healed the wound quite well. I remember I was at work one day, and the thought popped in my head. You know, I actually didn’t know what happened, but that wasn’t important. I wasn’t mad at her anymore, I wished no ill will on her. If anything I wished she was happy. Just because she seemed to not want me, did that make her evil? True it would have been better for her tell me, but that could have been too hard. Either way, it wasn’t important. I thought to myself that I had every right to be angry with her, to hate her, to hate what she did to me, to think of her as the scum of the earth. But I decided not too. It just isn’t in my nature to do so. No matter what wrongs people have done to me, I still forgave. So I decided to forgive her. And with that I started to feel pity for her. How awful it must be to live your life at the mercy of you parents. I thought to myself and realized that maybe I was better off without her. I thought about emailing her, but I thought that might make her think I was still after her. But I would have liked to know if she was ok at least, so I buckled down and emailed her. A short friendly email, nothing about “I’ve been thinking about you lately” or “I miss you.” No nothing like that. Just a friendly hello. I remember the first line. “Howdy? Remember Me?” I incorporated very open questions on her work and her life. Nothing specific, just a general email stating that I hoped she was alive and well. To my surprise not too long after I got a reply, it now being the only email I actually still have from her. And here is what it said:
From: Gaby Lara
To: soupycannon@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: howdy
Date: Tue, 14 Jan 2003 09:06:45-0600
Hi!!... How are you robbie???... Of course I remember you, how could forget such a cool person. It́s good to hear about you, I knew sully went to Houston, did you went to see her over there?. You know my english is getting worse cause I don’t practice it anymore. Actually im right now in some town called Acatic, im serving here, cause there is where the need is great, ím really happy, I’m enyoing it very much, and other than that, I have just been working, not in the same place I was working when you came here, I change my job cause the other one was too... how do you said this, when you must work harder and receive a little pay... well, you understood me, right??... You know??.. I never recieved anything from Sully, I thing it's the mail, but I guess I’ll write her back... Ok, I got to go... Be good...
Take care..
Gaby...
Keep in touch. ok??... BYE!!..
Turns out we emailed two more times each, with her asking about my job and me asking about hers. Then the emails stopped. Fast forward to the end of 2003 and almost 2004. I received an email from her saying hello. We emailed twice again, this time her asking about my brother and if he was married yet. I told her no, not yet, but soon. I asked her casually if she was married yet. I wondered what response I would get from her? Would she just ignore the question? As I recieved her reply she told me that information. She said she had a boyfriend, and yes, they were planning on getting married. That made me think. Almost two years had passed, and she had gotten on with her life quite nicely. As much as her reply surprised me, I just smiled. I was happy for her. All that talk that I wanted her to be happy even if she wasn’t with me, was proven true then. I backed up what I had said. I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t angry. I was happy for her. I hoped that whoever she would marry would be the love of her life. I congratulated her, and then the emails stopped once again.
Fast forward to March of 2004. Time had passed and since then Sully and I had become close friends. I had told her the story of what happened with Gaby, and she actually could relate. Things with Sully then became more then friends (a whole other story). I had gone to visit her at her home in Mexico City in 2003, and had met her parents and her sister (who turned out to be named Gaby also, the irony never ends). Ok, back to 2004. Sully’s sister Gaby was trying to work on her English so as she was laid off at the time she decided to come and stay in San Antonio and attend a some courses for English. It was great to have her here, and I became quite close with her also. I remember one night me and Gaby (Mexico City Gaby that is, Sully’s sister) were eating at a restaurant not far from my house. She was talking, and then stopped suddenly. She had seen my face. I must have turned white, or beet red, because what walked through that door made my jaw drop. Who was it you ask? None other then Gaby’s (Guadalajara Gaby, the one who dissed me) Aunt, the one who had found out about her and me, and threatened (and probably did) tell her parents about me. As she walked in, she saw me. Now this is more then 2 full years later, and what did she do? She just gave me a dirty look, and turned away. No smile, no polite acknowledgment, just her smug face. I started laughing. After 2 years she still didn’t like me! How stupid was that! As I sat there I ate my food and talked more with Gaby (Mexico City Gaby don’t forget). Turned out the Dan’s were there too. Remember, both her sons were named Dan. I had met the little Dan, (the spy) but I hadn’t met the older Dan. But Gaby knew him. Turns out that he used to live in Mexico City, and knew Sully, Gaby and their parents. He had even gone over to their house a few times, for dinner and such. And he had a crush on Gaby (Mexico City, obviously). We were almost through and as I got up to throw my trash the little Dan stopped me. He remembered me. He remembered my name. I wonder if I was famous to him and his mom, my face maybe a target they would throw darts at. He asked me how I was, speaking in that face annoying voice that he had mastered so well. I knew where this conversation was going, and soon it got there. Then he said it, “Hey did you know my cousin Gaby is getting married?” saying it as if he was trying to make me mad. Trying to provoke anger within me, as if I was going to starting overturning tables, and ripping my shirt apart in pain and anguish. “Yeah she told me” I replied. “She what?” he replied in utter surprise. “She told you?” “Yes” I replied explaining that she had emailed me and told me that her and her boyfriend were planning on a wedding. It was funny, he just seemed so surprised that I knew. We talked a bit more, and then it was time to go. As Gaby and I walked out, I told her what he had told me. The shock on his face that I had already known, and the fact that the Aunt still didn’t like me. It was just ridiculous.
Time flew by and now it was time for Gaby (Mexico City) to go back to her city. She had finished her English classes and had enjoyed the time we had spent. I met her at the airport after work, because she had a date. Turns out the older Dan had asked her to dinner, and being the nice person she accepted. I’m sure he paid. He better have. So as I helped get the luggage out of his car, he kind of gave me a not so nice look. Maybe he thought that I was trying to move in on this Gaby, because he had seen us together already. As Gaby waited in line to check in her luggage me and him talked. He asked where I worked and I told him, to which it seemed he tried to top it with what he did for work. The whole conversation seemed like it was him trying to out do me, him trying to be the better guy. I just laughed to myself, what a fool. He then brought up his cousin Gaby, and said that he and the whole family were going to go down the Guadalajara for the wedding. I smiled and said that was great, and that I hoped she was happy with her soon to be husband. He looked at me with a strange look, almost like he couldn’t believe that I wasn’t filled with anger at every mention of her name or the fact that she was going to get married. Whatever dude, I wasn’t going to sweat it. Not from this guy.
Fast forward to later in 2004, about May or so. I remember I was working on the computer at home, when I saw Gaby (Guadalajara, soon to be married) sign in. I thought about messaging her, so I clicked on her name and said “hello.” She replied, and soon we were chatting. We talked a little about meaningless things, as most people do while chatting. I asked her how the wedding plans were going and she seemed to hesitate in her response. I asked her if everything was ok, and she said something to the effect of “no, their not good.” I was surprised and asked if it was something with her parents, to which she replied that no, it wasn’t her parents. She said it was her fiancé. She didn’t go into detail, but she said that it was causing problems. I told her that she should maybe talk to him and work it out. She said it wasn’t that easy. I told her, that if I had a problem with someone, I always tried to sit down with that person and try and work it out. She replied that she remember that, and commended me on some other qualities that I had. At that moment it seemed weird, it seemed like she was remembering how I treated her, how we both go along so well. In that moment it seemed like she was feeling regret. I didn’t know what to say, so I just said the easiest thing. “Well, I’m sure it will all work out ok” I typed. And she replied “I don’t think so.” I told her to be positive, and that everything would fall into place. She then took a long time to reply. Then she said “I gotta go” “bye, liar.” My eyes bulged out of their sockets, focusing on that one word. “Liar” I looked in disbelief, did she just call me a liar? Me? I’m no liar. I read the text over and over, trying to make sense of it. I came to the conclusion that maybe she had called me a liar because I was telling her everything was going to be ok, when maybe it wasn’t going to be. I don’t know why she called me that, and I’ve never known. But one thing I knew, was that I wasn’t going to let her call me that. If anyone was going to call me liar, it wasn’t going to be her. The thought just bounced in my head, her calling me a liar? Little Miss I want to see you and spend time with you and all that, and not even show up or make an effort to see me? Who was the real liar? Oh no, I was not going to let her call me that. So I wrote her an email. I told her that I didn’t understand why she had called me that. I told her that if anything she was the liar. I told her I didn’t want to bring it up, but if you wanted to judge honesty in a person, all you had to do was look at the little fiasco that I had to live through in Guadalajara. At the end of the email I told her I really did think everything was going to work out, and that she would be happy. I told her I had no hard feelings, and that I wished her the best and I ended the email with a Congratulations. That was the last email I have ever sent her, one that I never got a reply too (big surprise).
And now, in the present day I haven’t heard any news. According to the Dan’s she was supposed to get married in August of 2004, but I don’t know if she did. And honestly, I don’t care much. I just hope what I am required to hope, the bare minimum. That she healthy and happy and living, wherever and with whomever she chose.
So now, that is the end of the story. And as I look back, it seems so long ago. The weird part is that after all this I thought about the numbers game again. Remember that the song “In My Life” was number 11 on the cd, and the month of November being the 11th month was the magical month of us two. Remember I said that that song “Wish You Were Here” was number 3 on the album, the I couldn’t think of why the number 3 would be significant? Actually, Gaby Lara was my 3rd girlfriend. Even though it was short lived, Gaby was the 3rd girl that I told I liked, and she liked me back. Funny how the numbers came into play again. But it doesn’t end there. Turns out that the song “Wish You Were Here” didn’t apply, but the song “Mexico” did. That song applied to the end of it all. How he said that:
You could see me reaching
So why couldn't you have
Met me halfway
You could see me bleeding
But you could not put
Pressure on the wound.
Then he said the words that came back to haunt.
You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
You'd better bend before I go
On the first train to Mexico.
It had applied so well, it had fit the situation so perfectly. She had seemingly done everything that the song had expressed, I had been reaching but she never met me halfway. She had seen me bleeding in my confusion and sadness, but never tried once to end it. Then the last line. That she would have to bend, or compromise before he would be on the first train to Mexico. How would I be on the first train to Mexico, if I was already in Mexico? Well it’s funny, because that seems to have a explanation too. See people there, when speaking of Mexico City (the capital city) usually just refer to it as Mexico. I’ve even seen maps of Mexico City, that list it as Mexico, Mexico. So even though already being in the country of Mexico, to be on the first train to Mexico could mean to be on the first train to Mexico City. And I find that ironic, because when I was there in Guadalajara and things were seemingly going wrong, I had thought of just taking off to Mexico City. To visit Sully. So it was ironic, that threat that if she didn’t compromise, I would be off to Mexico City, which I would have done if I would have had more time. Some more irony is the song’s number. Number 6 on the album. 6? What relevance does that have? Remember the number 11 is the one that would haunt me, I would always somehow meet and get to know girls in November. But I had to remember, even though me and Gaby had a great month of November, I had known her months already. I had met her in June of 2001. June? Yup, you guessed it, June is month number 6. And all this, I realized afterwards. I like to just think this is all a coincidence, but it is quite ironic, and can easily look like it was destined to happen. Was I destined to meet her? Was she destined to never meet me down there? Was I then destined to have something with Sully after all? Whatever the case, it’s done now. Gaby is supposedly married, Sully is yet another story, and I’m still here. Hanging On.
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